What’s All This Then!

That’s right, Ladies and Gentlemen! Stay tuned during prime time tonight and see what the world is going crazy about! Find out what Oprah wants to stuff under every seat in America!

That’s right! Tonight only, we have that mesmerizing stupor star who is sharper than a Ginsu knife in a snow storm, almost as useful as a pocket fisherman in the desert! He doesn’t need a microphone, he IS Mr. Microphone! You owe it to your family, to yourself, (and to the government once he’s elected) to watch Mr. B.O. slice and dice the truth as he effectively weasels his way into your heart and deep into your wallet.

Yes, I know. You’re asking, “But, Ron, is his sweet talking ways really that effective?” Don’t take my word on it! Just look how he managed to delay a major Baseball game for this Infomercial … the very Pennant Race Game that Mother Nature herself had already delayed through her powers. If this doesn’t prove that he is as powerful as Mother Nature, I’ll refund your vote. (Note: Refund offer void where prohibited and prohibited where void.)

Of course, everyone who watches will ask, “Does B.O. smell as good as he looks?” Hey! After four years, no one has complained of those odorous whiffs from his Senatorial pork spending. You know he’s as fresh as a daisy!

Speaking of which, unlike this year’s election, ABC is giving you a choice and airing “Pushing Daisies” at the same time as this Infomercial. But you have to ask yourself, “Do I want to watch a show about fantasy and the humorous murders of dreams or do I want to watch ‘Pushing Daisies’?”

But wait! There’s more! Vote now and he’ll include an equally deceptive counterpart complete with laugh-filled moments of flaws and flubs. You too can have the infamous, “”When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television…” That’s right, act now and with this Veg-O-Matic, you can be entertained for months on end by his political antics. For three easy payments (and one really complicate payment that involves your freedoms), you too can have two bureaucratics for the price of one! All this and much, much more!

So call and vote now and be a part of the nightmare, er, of his dream! Operators are standing by … because they can’t have chairs … not taxing enough …

Next week, we will fall in line with the TV and news coverage. So be sure to tune in for our passing nod to the high quality product: the J.M. Rotisserie. Just stick a fork in him, folks. He’s done.

Popularity: unranked [?]

On one side of the political spectrum, you have an African American and a Catholic. On the other side, you have an advanced AARP member and an Alaskan American woman. It’s a battle of the minority groups, folks! So what is a white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant man going to do? I don’t know. Not only am I not a W.A.S.P., none of this really applies to me. No matter how hard both parties make this election about looks, family history, genetic tans, and religious beliefs, this process is about deeds — what these people have and have not done as politicians. That’s what really matters and affects me … and you!

Actually your election choice could be quite simple. Maybe you enjoy having someone else pay for your mistakes. Maybe you enjoy having more and more of your hard earned income taken from you. Then don’t fear. You have the perfect party that is more than happy to accommodate your desires. Maybe you enjoy being told how to live your life. Maybe you prefer someone telling you what you can and cannot do with what’s left of your money. Again, there is a political party ready and willing help you very well.

But what about the rest of us citizens who want to live responsible lives? What about the rest of us who don’t want be a slave nor want to enslave our fellow citizens through the democratic process? We’re stuck in choosing the lesser of two evils. Unfortunately, that is still a vote for evil. It’s kind of like having to choose between being stabbed and being shot. Either way you’re going to hurt. The mistake here is believing that you can’t complain if you don’t choose. Yet this is the myth used to guilt you into voting. It works whenever you ignore the fact that, anytime anyone threatens your life or takes from you what is not theirs, you have every right to complain!

This all applies to our upcoming election. The ones who CAN’T complain are those who DO vote. They give their implicit consent to whatever harm the political process brings about. They silently condone whatever thievery and loss of freedom the politicians enact. For the rest of us who believe in being paid for honest work, believe in the charity of helping others because we can and not because of coercion, believe in a healthy respect for differing beliefs that aren’t imposed on us or on others, our election decision is an easy one: to write in “None of the Above” or don’t vote at all. Either way, we have the right to complain and to do so loudly.

Of course, I know enough to realize that this act of defiance won’t change a thing. After all, we are the only real minority that matters — the responsible individual. It takes a majority of fed-up slaves to enact real change. Remember what happened to the Soviet Union, the former Soviet Union? For now, it looks like we’ll have to put up with the same-old practices mouthed as “change” by this year’s bumper crop of candidates. I know our elected officials will make the right decisions but only after they’ve enacted all other possibilities. Heaven help us all …

Popularity: unranked [?]