What’s All This Then!

Over the past few weeks, I have had a surge in the numbers of comments. Thank you so much to you legitimate writers. Sadly, that is the key adjective, “legitimate”. As I reviewed commenters using the same words in their posts and with links in their names to ‘twilight’, ‘pornforyou’ and the like sites, I realized that I was being spammed. ::: sigh ::: Next to being afflicted with prickly heat, being afflicted with spam comments is the next step down. So I have had to add an old WordPress add-on called “WP-Ban” to control this waste of time.

If you can’t post your real, non-bot, heart-felt remarks, let me know by sending an e-mail to the address in my “about me” page. Death, taxes, and spam. The 3 things we can’t seem to avoid…

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Sad news indeed when I learned about Gary Coleman’s death. I’m not sure why I felt grief over this news. Perhaps because he seemed to be such a familiar name throughout most of my life. This morbid announcement seems like I’ve lost another acquaintance, a young 42-year-old acquaintance. Maybe it was Gary’s 42 years seemingly spent fighting as the underdog. He always had me rooting for him when the tabloids had nothing better to do than smear his name. I guess the sad part is that, while the show “Diff’rent Strokes” greatly impacted his life, it was different strokes of a fatal kind that ended his short existence. Rest in Peace, Gary.

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I love Al Gore. Such a man of convictions! He works tirelessly to save the environment from his 20-room, 8 bathroom Nashville estate (that not only burns through 19 times as much electricity as the average U.S. household but comes complete with a fleet of SUVs). Or from his mansion in Virginia. Or from the other one in Tennessee. In fact, Al is such a friend of the Earth, that the LA Times reported: “Former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, have added a Montecito (CA)-area property to their real estate holdings. The couple spent $8,875,000 on an ocean-view villa on 1.5 acres with a swimming pool, spa and fountains, a real estate source familiar with the deal confirms. The Italian-style house has six fireplaces, five bedrooms and nine bathrooms.” What a guy!!! No wonder he got a Nobel prize.

But all of that hard work and hanging around those young, starry-eyed vegetarian environmentalists has taken its toll. Today, I learned Al is divorcing his wife of 40 years, Tipper. I understand that when the divorce is final, Al gets to claim Tipper as a carbon credit.

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I listened in amazement as Mexico’s president, Felipe Calderon, gave a press conference with the American president, Mr. Obama, standing by his side.  Did Mr. Calderon talk about the steps his government is taking to curb their drug wars or repay some of their debt to American taxpayers?  No, he talked about emigration of his beloved people and potential marks to America.  Turns out it’s our fault.  His government can do nothing to stop Mexicans from fleeing the violence, the corruption and the joblessness of his wonderful country.  To which Mr. Obama replied, “Bad, America, Bad! Bad, bad America!” Fortunately for us Americans, we have the news media to rub our noses in this mess so we can then tuck our tails between our collective legs and sulk away.

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It seems like everyone is making money off of the political process except for the working man and woman. So I’m thinking about cashing in by selling my own line of piggy banks. One will be shaped as the Democratic Donkey and another as the Republican Elephant. You put your money in as usual. Later, when you try to retrieve your funds, all you get is a tiny fraction of your money and in the worst form of change possible — pennies. Of course, you can’t complain. Not only is each bank wrapped tightly in the American flag, it was your vote, I mean, your purchase that got you into this mess. The only ones who have the right to complain would be your spouse and children. After all, they had no other choice but to use those misguided piggy banks. Makes cents, doesn’t it?

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According to this excellent TED talk video (ted.com), all a leader of any new movement really needs is that first enthusiastic follower. The rest builds itself … as long as your followers don’t figure out that you’re just as ignorant as they are (the secret to a successful life as a politician or religious leader).

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One of the big technological trends to watch is energy harvesting. It sounds like the result of planting batteries in the ground then pulling off little plastic packages of AAA, C, and D cells from battery plants but no. All around us is some type of movement. Around the world, scientists and engineers are coming up with ways to turn that motion into energy. Remember the school experiment where you powered a small light bulb with a potato? Well, eventually the minuscule rhythmic breathing of a couch potato could power an episode of American Idol if he’s too lazy to change the channel. Or several ads for Victoria Secrets if he doesn’t overload the circuit.

Right now, the military is experiment with tiny generators strapped to the knees and elbows of its marching troops. So far, our brave boys and girls of the Armed Forces are able to create enough electricity to run radios, GPS devices and even iPods. I guess when they go into battle, yelling “CHARGE!” takes on a entirely new meaning.

Research is good so far. But I’m thinking that these ambitious scientists and engineers haven’t tapped into a resource of potentially unlimited power. That’s right, old people! Now hear me out. One of the fastest growing segments in the world’s population is … that’s right, old people. And the Chinese. A few more decades and we’ll be up to our knees in old Chinese people but I digress.

This year, I crossed the half century mark of age. Of course, this little achievement doesn’t make me old. I mean, I can still suck in my gut without my ankles swelling. Still, I have noticed brief moments of involuntary tremors in my hands and head. Apparently, this is a common occurrence as we age. Unfortunately for some, it turns into Parkinson and other uncontrollable shaking diseases. But not to worry! This just means that the elder will now be kept at home as a beloved asset to the family. With an energy harvesting device attached to my trembling form, I can hear my family saying “Ok, plug grandpa into the outlet and turn on the TV.” Think about it. Instead of huge medical bills, Parkinson patients will be able to power the hospital that is treating them AND charge the hospital for the electrical power! As an aging majority of movers-and-shakers on the planet, we’ll be able to provide electricity for any one, any where … except during earthquakes when we’ll find ourselves inconveniently still. Anyway, great idea, right! In fact, I am going to start my electrical co-op right now with a few of my vibrating friends and make a killing. Oh, sorry, bad choice of words …

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If you want to get a crystal ball prophecy of how well the new federal health plan will work, you only have to look to Massachusetts. In 2006, the all-knowing and wise state legislators forced their citizens; sorry, this is America, I mean to say the gracious legislative overlords strongly suggested that all residents in Massachusetts to pay for health insurance. Or else. Monthly premiums averaged about $400 a month. The ‘or else’ was a tremendously burdensome penalty of $93 a month. (There’s a reason why people affectionately referred to the home state of Bean town as Taxachusetts.)

And so, what did those dastardly denizens of the Bay State do with such a brave stately mandate? In 2009, several paid the $400 premium, endured great medical care while running up monthly bills of $2000, then, when in the best of health, they quit their policy to suffer those monstrous monthly fines of almost but not quite $100. For some reason, Massachusetts is now having financial difficulties.

I can’t wait until the federal version to kick in. Then we can all forced each other to pay for all expensive medical care that a formerly free country can provide!

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While I don’t work for the best company in the world, at least I don’t have to worry about being treated like this unfortunate bricklayer in Bangladeshi. In order to make the bricks redder, his boss had the bricklayer’s head cut off and burned in the kiln.

This raises a lot of questions about the organization he worked for. Why did they pick that particular guy? Was he that whiner that every company seems to have who complains so much he gets out of all the work? “I have given all the blood, sweat and tears that I can to this group. What do I have to do to give more?”

How did they approach the bricklayer? “Say, Bob, how would you like a promotion and be, ummm, head … of a major project? Once you begin, we believe you will be fired about it!”

Anyway, the Bangladeshi police are looking for the boss and a fortune teller. It was the fortune teller who convinced the boss that a human sacrifice would improve the color of the bricks. What are the odds that she was married to the unfortunate bricklayer? Or maybe she was prophetic when she told this sad builder of bricks that “one day your work will kiln you as you make an ash of yourself.”

Thank goodness, I don’t work there!

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Good news if you are a woman over 65 years and drinking coffee or tea! According this article at the Psychology Today site, your 3 cup a day of coffee (6 cups for tea drinkers) seems to fight off the effects of aging in the brain.

Sadly, this important benefit doesn’t work for men. Maybe it’s because guys are already grounded. Or maybe it’s due to the old adage “No brain, no gain.” Or maybe it’s because we’re already like coffee — rich, warm and we’ll keep you ladies up all night … if we remember.

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Until 2006, not everyone played with the little hands on their clock as we did last Sunday. 77 counties in Indiana ignored the Federal legislated rush to “spring ahead” an hour. This gave economics professor, Matthew and his PhD student Laura E. Grant, (University of California at Santa Barbara) a chance to study how Daylight Savings affected energy usage. Their results of analyzing over 7,000,000 electric meters? Those that practiced the ‘savings’ ritual reduced their lighting costs while increasing their heating and cooling expenses. The savings turned out to be a loss to households of $8.6 million in terms of bigger electricity bills (or gain if you’re the electric company).

So, tock to me. Do you still want bureaucrats to put their hands all over your clock or does this post tick you off? In the end, it’s all numbers game — not what saves us the most money but which option get them the most votes.

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As you might know, I have two other blogs. I use them mainly to make money by putting linked phrases into 60+ worded post for $5. On one hand, I can write whatever I like as long as the post isn’t rude or bad for the link. Until recently, it has been a great writing exercise at times.

On the other hand, more and more of my assignments are about dieting, skin care or weight pills. After a couple of years of getting essentially the same topics, it has become increasingly frustrating to create entertaining entries of the same mundane phrases.

Last week, I received a phrase that was almost impossible to write with. “Almost impossible” he said with a sly wink. After thinking I had reached my limits, here’s what I finally wrote. What do you think?

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Last month, I successfully completed 5 decades of orbiting the sun. Happily, the ol’ ball of fire doesn’t look any different from when I stared at it as a 5-year-old. Oh sure, my eyes tend to twitch sooner than they did back then. But that’s the price you pay for blinding entertainment.

Yep, I don’t feel any older than I did 10 or 20 years ago. Well, most of the time. The only difference was in the birthday party I just had. Ever played “Sag, you’re it” with a bunch of 40 and 50 year olds? ::: shudder :::

It wasn’t that bad. The weather was sunny and windy. This helped out a lot when a gusty breeze liberated a few toupees … off of the men too. Yes sir, there’s nothing like a rousing game of “Pin the wig on the bald guy”. We were going to play “Pin the tail on the donkey” but none of the politicians RSVP’ed my invitation.

Did we quit after this? Heck no! After a few (well, several) beers, we played that fun-filled adventure game, “Hide and go pee.” Some of us had a great time with this and others … not so much. Did it make a difference? “Depends”

One of the joys of aging is enjoying the rewards from years of hard work and trying to take care of everyone. This is otherwise known as high blood pressure. The cure is medicine that fixes your heart by generating a loud ringing in your ears. As a result, you tend to miss out on things such as “I love you” and “Watch out! You’re about to step in front of a bus!” But it does make for a great game of “Simon says … what?! What did he say?!”

All good times must end so we concluded my day of festivities by storming the Lazy-Boy store to play “Musical Recliners.” This game is only good for one round because everyone gets a chair. And we didn’t leave until we were good and ready. When the store manager brought the police in, we suddenly found ourselves good and ready.

We were going to play “Kick the Bucket” but thought we’d wait a few more years. Just as with “Red Rover, Red Rover, Doctor says Bend Over”, no activity should be more of a goal than a game. Now “Keep Away … from The Bucket” would be a great game. Everyone wins, mostly.

Hope to see you next year!

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