What’s All This Then!

(hint: think about the Village People’s big hit song)

Forgive me? Oh wait! I think I already am!

Popularity: unranked [?]

According to the news, a lot of people are excited about what the government is going to give them through its stimulus package. What the news media deceptively hides and what many people forget is that the government can’t give you what is already yours. All you can expect is that our bureaucratic friends will take a tiny bit less of our hard-earned money than they are now. Isn’t that exciting?!!! If the true be told, you are more likely to find an actual stimulus package on a male porn star than on the pages of any congressional legislation … although both are used for the same purpose … whether you’re willing or not.

Popularity: unranked [?]

For tax evasion, Federal powers (back in the day) sent Al Capone to prison. For tax evasion, Federal powers this year made Timothy Geithner head of the tax system by confirming him to the post of Treasury Secretary ….? My, how times have changed!

Popularity: unranked [?]

See Morgan. See Morgan smile. Smile, Morgan, smile. See Morgan standing. On the land. In front of the lake. Holding his cell phone. See the buttons on the cell phone. Text, Morgan, text. What will Morgan text? Maybe “I am happy. LOL {smiley face}”

Morgan flies a helicopter. Used to. Morgan crashed his helicopter. Into the lake. While texting. Now Morgan cannot fly anymore. Morgan cannot text anymore. Morgan died.

What did Morgan text? When he crashed. Into the lake. We do not know. Maybe, “AHHHHHHHHH! {frowny face} {frowny face}”

Did Morgan crash because he was texting? We do not know. Maybe his helicopter ran out of airtime minutes.

Now Morgan’s cell phone is in the lake. With the fish. Can fish use Morgan’s phone? Maybe no. Maybe they already have their own shell phone service. Maybe their rates are paid on scale. Can fish text? Maybe. What would a fish text? Maybe “I am happy. Darwin wins again. LOL {fishy face}” They cannot send a smiley face. Have you seen a fish smile? I have not.

And so we say goodbye to Morgan. And to his crashed helicopter. And to the texting fish. Goodbye, Morgan. Goodbye, helicopter. Goodbye, fish. {fishy kiss} {fishy kiss}

Popularity: unranked [?]

An unexpected snow storm in North Carolina has stranded me at home. It’s the first really good one in 4 years. In my yard, I measured 4 to 7 inches. In the street and my driveway, it ranges 2.5 to 3.5 inches. I wish I had a camera!

Of course, my boss still expects tasks to get done so I’m working from home today. In fact, I’ve already had to be involved in a couple of conference calls. Yeah, telecommuting!! The way the weather is starting to turn to ice, I’ll probably be home tomorrow. Kind of reminds me of Dilbert’s telecommuting adventure!

Popularity: unranked [?]

Disneyland in Orlando, Florida has installed 30 more defibrillators as “continuance enhancement to safety” (or as they say in English, “lawsuit prevention”). Is the shock of reading your bill that bad? I guess Disney will be changing one of their famous songs to “Zap-a-dee-doo-dah Zap-a-dee-ay”

Popularity: unranked [?]

When I turned 25, I was excited about my second quarter century of life. After all, I spent 25 years growing from an immobile, inarticulate, drooling person who frequently messed in their clothes to a walking, talking individual who could drool on purpose at any time (or by accident if a really pretty girl walked by). At that time, I planned to reach my 50th year having made a name for myself, achieved that millionaire status and able to live the high life.

In a couple days, I will reach that half-century mark. My biggest accomplishments have been my three beautiful and intelligent children, my excellent friends and recently finding the love of a beautiful woman and her children. Actually, they aren’t accomplishments. I’m just the lucky recipient of their love. Aside from that and not being homeless or imprisoned, I’m hard-pressed to find other achievements for celebrating a second 25 years. As for being a millionaire, my now former spouse ended up spending two dollars for every dollar that I made. It took me a couple of decades to realize that there is a fine line between being a gentleman and being a doormat. Which means, if nothing else, I now have 25 additional years worth of experiences on how not to live life.

At my 25th birthday, I was excited about living the next quarter-century because of what I’ve accomplished in the first. On the eve of my 50th birthday, I find myself disillusioned and unenthusiastic about the next quarter-century of my life because of past years filled with regrets, stupid decisions and reprehensible mistakes. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a national holiday filled with parades and half-priced sales in my honor.

In the past, I was saddened if friends or family would accidentally overlook my birthday. This year, I will be very content if the entire world forgets that I’ve circled the sun 50 times without dying. Actually, I’m not 50. More like $39.95 with lots of shipping and handling involved …

Popularity: unranked [?]

Monday, January 5th: an employee at work turns in her notice and we all learn that former business practices are no longer in place. Natives restless.

Wednesday, January 7th: HR department tries to cover company’s butt with new impromptu policy.  Natives now very restless!

Thursday, January 8th: Plant wide meeting scheduled by management.  Will we strike?

Popularity: unranked [?]

Every year, Amtrak holds a photography contest to show off the glory of being financed by taxpayers’ dollars. The prize is $1,000 in travel vouchers and the winner’s photo published in Amtrak’s annual calendar.

Once again, we have a contestant taking photos from the train platform that is used by thousands of commuters everyday to step on and off the train. Once again, his prize? Being arrested by Amtrek police for “criminal trespassing”.

Apparently, Amtrek’s propaganda department … I mean, marketing department isn’t talking to its police department.  Oh well.  When pictures are outlawed, only outlaws will tell you to say … “cheese!”

Popularity: unranked [?]

It is amazing how the individual is arrested for what the government can do with impunity…

Popularity: unranked [?]