What’s All This Then!

Forget all that fancy MBA schooling that you spent thousands of dollars on. Never mind that vital trend analysis and other important statistical tools that you use to track the direction of your company or the stock market. Business executives are turning in droves to… tarot card reading.

Yes, when the giant hamster of misfortune wants to run on your wheel, you want answers besides the accurately, bad ones that you’ve getting. So why wouldn’t interpreting randomly revealed card help you make better business decisions. After all, look how well psychics pick lottery numbers.

When I heard this news story on television, the reporter spoke with several tarot card readers. Most of them said they were wonderfully surprised by this uptick in their business. I guess this means they never saw it coming.

Maybe this is the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for. All I need are some chicken bones, sheep livers and business cards, then I too can become a overpaid business consultant! “Board of directors, meet board of Ouija.”

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I am! No, this isn’t about that special blue pill (no need for that … yet). Today was my first visit to a doctor in several years. I had to go. My heartburn was beginning to singe my nose hairs at times. My blood pressure has started surging to dizzying heights all too often … and I do mean dizzying.

When I left the good doctor’s office, I had a bag full of goodies. No candy just a few weeks worth of the purple pill, Nexium, a couple of boxes of Toprol, and a prescription for Sucralfate. Gotta love the Doctors and their pills. His plan is for me to mediate myself for a couple of weeks and see if my peptic ulcer and high blood pressure go away. “Where do you work?” he asked. “RPC”, I replied. “That explains it.” he said and added a few more boxes to my already full bag of pills. It was almost like Trick-Or-Treat except he wasn’t wearing a mask when he gave me the bill and one of the side-effects of the medicine won’t be a sugar rush. Aside from that …

I hate taking pills especially different ones at the same time. Interactions? “If there are any, they should be few,” my doctor said encouragingly. Great! I guess my only alternatives is to put up with that acidic fire that is burning a large hole in my chest. Maybe I can get use to the ringing in my ears that drowns out everything else. Or, when I can hear, maybe it will be ok to look like I’m blushing every time someone says something. Nah, I’ll take my pills. Perhaps it will give me something interesting to blog about — weird hallucinations, growth of a third leg (no need for the blue pill then), you know the usual…

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