What’s All This Then!

Indian police have been searching for the unknown terrorists who helped in the terrible massacre in Mumbai. Today, India’s beleaguered law enforcement apprehended two unknown suspects wearing suspicious attire. Unfrotunately the police agencies of the two Indian regions are fighting over these recent arrests, making the destination of the suspects unknown. The court date and time is also unknown at this time.

In a spot of good news, the Unknown Comic is reported to be thrilled that people are still using his schick after all these years.

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According to reports, not only did the United States warn India about impending attacks on Mumbai but US intelligence also named which buildings were to be the targets. And yet in a recent interview, India’s president Kalam did not blame his government’s lax security for the death of the victims in Mumbai. In true finger-pointing style of a bureaucrat, he said it was the fault of Google for having maps readily available to terrorists. I suppose if Google Earth had not been invented, Mr. Kalam would be blaming AAA for handing out paper maps. Thank goodness cellphones, GPS devices, bullets, guns and an inept government had nothing to do with this tragedy.

Is Google Earth really the weapon of choice among terrorists? If you check out the satellite view around my house, you’ll see a large area under construction — construction was completed in 2002. In front of the plant where I work sits a road that has been there for over 20 years. Google has yet to add it to their maps. Maybe I shouldn’t worry. If our customers and vendors can’t find our building, what chance do terrorists have?

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What can I say? When I read this ‘Pearls Before Swine’, I laughed harder than I have in a long time. If laughter is the best medicine, then buying Stephan Pastis’ comics need to be covered by my HMO.

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You know how tough it can be fighting a cold. So during my battle, I’ve tried to be a good boy and a faithful employee these past couple of weeks showing up as though nothing was wrong. This meant blogging fell to the curb as soon as I got home. And then the adventure expanded as I picked up the flu a few days ago.

So what’s worse than having a cold and the flu? Try standing in front of the medicine aisle when you’re sick. It’s like grocery shopping when you’re hungry — so many tempting options to try to satisfy your cravings. In my case, it was to stop coughing and fever long enough to form a complete sentence. Fast acting verse long lasting? It’s difficult to make a decision between feeling good right away for a little while and feeling good later on for a longer period of time. Then there was the choice of $50 for a 1000 pills that will expire before I need them again or paying $30 for a month’s supply that also will expire before I need them again. While in my feverish state, I also found boxes that were as thick as a credit cards. I know that medicine has advanced but I didn’t know we had pills that were wafer thin … until I realized that it was in fact a card. Thank you to the few idiots who found ways to make more drugs from drugs and to you politicians that needed a phony-baloney reason to get elected. Now I have to stand in front of a guy already on a podium and prove that I’m not going to ruin the free world. Of course, I’ll have no problem hacking up a couple of golf-ball sized phlegm balls on his counter. Is that proof enough that I need the medicine?

At the moment, I think I’m passed fever induced dreams (or hallucinations) about work or how I saved the world with effortless feats of flight about the globe. I just don’t recall self-medication being this difficult of a task before now. Thank goodness for whiskey and hot toddies!

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Have you been hearing the news that doctors can become better surgeons by playing games on Nintendo’s Wii before an operation? You have to dig a little deeper into the story to learn that the study was done using virtual operations. Yes, thanks to “Marble Mania”, all the virtual patients lived and are awaiting their virtual bills.

More amazing is that this study has made a tremendous impression in the medical field. It’s reported that hospitals are seriously considering the purchase of $250 Wii systems instead of spending tens of thousands of dollars for traditional training equipment. Nintendo is even in talks to develop games specially for surgeons. I give this hoopla a few months before someone in accounting decides to go even cheaper. Yes, just a few months before they start buying $15 “Operation” games for medical training…

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I am! No, this isn’t about that special blue pill (no need for that … yet). Today was my first visit to a doctor in several years. I had to go. My heartburn was beginning to singe my nose hairs at times. My blood pressure has started surging to dizzying heights all too often … and I do mean dizzying.

When I left the good doctor’s office, I had a bag full of goodies. No candy just a few weeks worth of the purple pill, Nexium, a couple of boxes of Toprol, and a prescription for Sucralfate. Gotta love the Doctors and their pills. His plan is for me to mediate myself for a couple of weeks and see if my peptic ulcer and high blood pressure go away. “Where do you work?” he asked. “RPC”, I replied. “That explains it.” he said and added a few more boxes to my already full bag of pills. It was almost like Trick-Or-Treat except he wasn’t wearing a mask when he gave me the bill and one of the side-effects of the medicine won’t be a sugar rush. Aside from that …

I hate taking pills especially different ones at the same time. Interactions? “If there are any, they should be few,” my doctor said encouragingly. Great! I guess my only alternatives is to put up with that acidic fire that is burning a large hole in my chest. Maybe I can get use to the ringing in my ears that drowns out everything else. Or, when I can hear, maybe it will be ok to look like I’m blushing every time someone says something. Nah, I’ll take my pills. Perhaps it will give me something interesting to blog about — weird hallucinations, growth of a third leg (no need for the blue pill then), you know the usual…

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