What’s All This Then!

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So there it was, this article about scientists giving viagra to hamsters. Why? To cure their jet lag, of course. Naturally I became very curious. I’m sure that you are wondering just as I am: why are these hamsters traveling and where are they going to cause their jet-lag? What possessed a scientist to give viagra to a jet-setting rodent in the first place? Was this little furry playboy in need of a little ‘help’ after traveling about the globe? Is this how the scientist accidentally discovered another beneficial side effect of viagra?

It all has to do with hamsters having a very strict cyclic rhythm in their tiny, nocturnal bodies. I can attest to this from first-hand experience with my daughter’s hamster. The first night she had him home, I awoke in the wee hours of the morning thinking that we were being invaded by a squeaky burglar. It turned out to be my daughter’s pet taking a 2am run – fast and furious – to who knows where. Perhaps this explains the need for these creatures to jet set about the world. Their rotating toy just doesn’t get today’s ambitious hamster where he wants to be.

I did search for a squeakless wheel. But due to laws or a some cruel sense of humor by hamster-wheel manufacturers, quiet carousels weren’t in fashion at the time. You know, I think that this explains why scientists gave viagra to hamsters in the first place. Some researcher was trying to some sleep after a long day at the lab when his daughter’s rodent took off its noisy, nightly sprint. “How can I raise his back legs so he can’t run? I know, I’ll give him a little viagra! And, in the morning, I can get some grant money for further studies.” Needless to say, when these hamsters are motivated to run, there is no stopping them. Fifth leg or not, our determined little critter hopped into his wheel and regain full use of his four legs (due to the space between the bars of the wheel. I’ll let you paint your own mental picture.) Of course, trouble started as soon as he began his speedy scamper. Have you ever heard the sound of a playing card smacking the spokes of a spinning bicycle wheel? Or listened to the thwacking of wood as it’s played along a picket fence? In a few revolutions, the resulting squeaks were not from the wheel but from our endowed hamster. Immediately rolling off of his revolving toy, he fell onto his back, clutching his groin like some one in an award winning movie for America’s Funniest Home videos. A few nightly episodes of this pain-filled activity and who wouldn’t be shifting their sleeping schedule further along toward the morning hours. I’m sure this is what our scientist friend discovered. And who needs to shift their sleeping habits? That’s right, jet-setting hamsters. Thus, a jet-lag cure was found! The question now is how our research friend going to test this out on people …

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