What’s All This Then!

A recent Swedish study discovered that drinking three or more cups of coffee a day will reduce the size of your breasts… in women that is. From my unscientific observations of male co-workers, I believe that I can prove that this doesn’t apply to men. I also believe that nature did not intend coffee as a booby trap for women.

Of course, this study brings up the question of whether insurance companies will now covered the cost of coffee drinking as a method of breast reduction. I guess it will depend upon how much those breasts were perk-olated. I should point out that the researchers were studying the relationship between a specific CYP1A2*1F gene in women, their breast size, their coffee intake and the incidents of breast cancer. If I didn’t point this out, then my post would be nothing more than pure titillation, wouldn’t it.

Still, I can hear some of you women asking, “Never mind reduction! How can I increase my breast size?” To you, I can only suggest the tried-and-true method of going to a bar and consuming large amounts of alcohol … by the guy sitting next to you. Yes, I still remember those days. Ahhh, thanks for the mammaries …

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A recent comment on one of my posts lamented how governments need to do more to reduce gas prices. Yes, we know that some nations do subsidize the price that their citizens pay at the pump. For example, the Chinese government pays such a substantial portion so that their citizens pay only pennies per gallon (which tends to anger cashiers at gas stations because they can only accept Chinese currency).

A lot of people seem to forget or ignore the idea that “governments” do not have a pot of gold at the end of their taxation rainbow. “Government” is nothing more than a collection of people spending money taken — not earned or asked for — from people in their country.

You and I are held accountable if we don’t live within our budget. But elected officials and dictatorships aren’t held to the same responsibilities. Either, they aren’t reelected or they get asylum in another country (and this is just the options in a democratic country). So it is amazing how noble you can be when spending other people’s money while not having to worry about the consequences. I guess this is what makes political power so attractive. Just promise what you will give without telling what you will take to make your promises possible.

Anyway, it would be nice to think that we’re entitled to any commodity at a penny per gallon. But that is the three-year-old in us doing the thinking. Remember those good old days when the world revolved around only our immature, selfish desires? As adults, we have to deal with many things that are beyond our control. As long as the price of gas and bread aren’t being maliciously manipulated, we will have to deal with nature’s equations of supply and demand. But that isn’t a problem. Being the inventive, ambitiously lazy species that we are, gasoline as a resource will soon become part of our ancient history as we move on to the next chapter of stayin’ alive.

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You probably heard one of the ways to increase your gas mileage is by filling your vehicle during the coolest part of the day. I thought about this as I stood in 107° heat, feeding my car’s nasty gasoline habit, looking at the State’s calibration sticker on the pump and trying not to go into a heat-induced delirium. Or maybe I did because it occurred to me that the State had certified that that I should be getting a gallon of gas. Yet gas changes its density with temperature. High temperature, less gas per volume. So how can the State say that my gallon of gas is in fact a gallon of gas?

This question became like a bad song stuck in my head. It intrigued me enough that I had to do a little research. Apparently, a gallon of gas has been standardized at 231 cubic inches at 60°F since the 1920s. The thing about gasoline is that it expands as the temperature rises. As the temperature goes up, there’s less gasoline in that cubic inch. The reverse is true as well. The colder it gets, the more gasoline energy is available in that cubic inch. So if you are the owner of a gas station, you got to love those hot summer days when mother nature helps you overcharge for a gallon of gas without you having to do a thing. Of course, if you live in a generally cold climate, the consumer is the one reaping this benefit. This explains why gas pumps in Canada have temperature adjusting devices. We can’t have oil companies and gas retailers losing money during those cold months, now can we.

What about Canada’s warmer neighbor to the south? I learned that while the gas industry routinely makes price adjustments to its wholesalers based on the temperature fluctuations, the consumers see none of this. But don’t worry. It looks like a few other people have wondered about this discrepancy too. I learned that more than 20 lawsuits have been filed in seventeen states by truck drivers and motorists. These lawsuits seek to have gas pumps fitted with temperature compensation equipment so that when you pay for a gallon of gas, you get a gallon of gas regardless of how warm or cold it is. The response from the fuel industry is … it would cost them too much. I guess it would. It’s as if you bought five apples from someone and they can get away with giving you just four apples. Of course it would “cost” them money if they were forced to give you what you paid for in the first place.

As I read more about this gas cost verses temperature, I wondered if there might be a balancing of costs between gas stations and consumers over the course of a year. If you bought the same dollar amount of gas every day for one year, who would come out ahead? You or the gas station? So here is a picture that shows the average yearly temperature in the US during 2001. The red line shows our 60°F demarcation line.

In our little scenario, if you were buying gas north of the red line everyday, it looks like you’d benefit. If you were selling gas south of the red line, then you would be benefiting at your customers’ expense. Of course, this picture and our little scenario are misleading. I’ve lived in places where where it has been 40° in the morning and 70° by the afternoon. And there are studies that there’s much more traveling done in the summer than in the winter. So I guess it can’t really be argued that there is a balancing in cost between gas stations and the customers.

Until the courts sort this out, I don’t know what you and I can do about it. For now, all we can do is gas up during the coolest part of the day. And yesterday started out at 80° for me … maybe I should just move to Alaska.

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