What’s All This Then!

One of the big technological trends to watch is energy harvesting. It sounds like the result of planting batteries in the ground then pulling off little plastic packages of AAA, C, and D cells from battery plants but no. All around us is some type of movement. Around the world, scientists and engineers are coming up with ways to turn that motion into energy. Remember the school experiment where you powered a small light bulb with a potato? Well, eventually the minuscule rhythmic breathing of a couch potato could power an episode of American Idol if he’s too lazy to change the channel. Or several ads for Victoria Secrets if he doesn’t overload the circuit.

Right now, the military is experiment with tiny generators strapped to the knees and elbows of its marching troops. So far, our brave boys and girls of the Armed Forces are able to create enough electricity to run radios, GPS devices and even iPods. I guess when they go into battle, yelling “CHARGE!” takes on a entirely new meaning.

Research is good so far. But I’m thinking that these ambitious scientists and engineers haven’t tapped into a resource of potentially unlimited power. That’s right, old people! Now hear me out. One of the fastest growing segments in the world’s population is … that’s right, old people. And the Chinese. A few more decades and we’ll be up to our knees in old Chinese people but I digress.

This year, I crossed the half century mark of age. Of course, this little achievement doesn’t make me old. I mean, I can still suck in my gut without my ankles swelling. Still, I have noticed brief moments of involuntary tremors in my hands and head. Apparently, this is a common occurrence as we age. Unfortunately for some, it turns into Parkinson and other uncontrollable shaking diseases. But not to worry! This just means that the elder will now be kept at home as a beloved asset to the family. With an energy harvesting device attached to my trembling form, I can hear my family saying “Ok, plug grandpa into the outlet and turn on the TV.” Think about it. Instead of huge medical bills, Parkinson patients will be able to power the hospital that is treating them AND charge the hospital for the electrical power! As an aging majority of movers-and-shakers on the planet, we’ll be able to provide electricity for any one, any where … except during earthquakes when we’ll find ourselves inconveniently still. Anyway, great idea, right! In fact, I am going to start my electrical co-op right now with a few of my vibrating friends and make a killing. Oh, sorry, bad choice of words …

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If you want to get a crystal ball prophecy of how well the new federal health plan will work, you only have to look to Massachusetts. In 2006, the all-knowing and wise state legislators forced their citizens; sorry, this is America, I mean to say the gracious legislative overlords strongly suggested that all residents in Massachusetts to pay for health insurance. Or else. Monthly premiums averaged about $400 a month. The ‘or else’ was a tremendously burdensome penalty of $93 a month. (There’s a reason why people affectionately referred to the home state of Bean town as Taxachusetts.)

And so, what did those dastardly denizens of the Bay State do with such a brave stately mandate? In 2009, several paid the $400 premium, endured great medical care while running up monthly bills of $2000, then, when in the best of health, they quit their policy to suffer those monstrous monthly fines of almost but not quite $100. For some reason, Massachusetts is now having financial difficulties.

I can’t wait until the federal version to kick in. Then we can all forced each other to pay for all expensive medical care that a formerly free country can provide!

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While I don’t work for the best company in the world, at least I don’t have to worry about being treated like this unfortunate bricklayer in Bangladeshi. In order to make the bricks redder, his boss had the bricklayer’s head cut off and burned in the kiln.

This raises a lot of questions about the organization he worked for. Why did they pick that particular guy? Was he that whiner that every company seems to have who complains so much he gets out of all the work? “I have given all the blood, sweat and tears that I can to this group. What do I have to do to give more?”

How did they approach the bricklayer? “Say, Bob, how would you like a promotion and be, ummm, head … of a major project? Once you begin, we believe you will be fired about it!”

Anyway, the Bangladeshi police are looking for the boss and a fortune teller. It was the fortune teller who convinced the boss that a human sacrifice would improve the color of the bricks. What are the odds that she was married to the unfortunate bricklayer? Or maybe she was prophetic when she told this sad builder of bricks that “one day your work will kiln you as you make an ash of yourself.”

Thank goodness, I don’t work there!

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