What’s All This Then!

Yesterday, I stood chatting with three of my women co-workers when suddenly, all three had a hot flash. Their body heat was so intense that I could feel the warmth being generated as their inner child played with matches. As the room’s air conditioning immediately kicked into high, my female friends swarmed around it like kids around an ice cream van. I swear that I saw steam rising as the cold air rushed past their feverish forms. All I could do was nervously glance at the sprinkler system in the ceiling and hope for the best.

So, all right! I’ll admitted it! I was wrong. I thought there was no way that humans could be the direct and only cause of global warming. But after yesterday’s experience, I have to consider that the world’s population is growing older. More and more of the 3 billion women are hitting that change of life phase where they almost spontaneously combust from their hot flashes. All of the heat has to go somewhere!

Now I’m not blaming aging women as the sole cause of climate change. There is the deadly carbon foot print from that untapped energy resource — the flatulence of aging males.

So what can we do to protect our environment from ourselves? First of all, what shall we do about the gentler half of our species? Perhaps we can send all menopausal women to the coast and have them relaxingly lounge at the ocean’s edge. When their body temperatures spike, the rising sea level is immediately turned into steam. Our female friends are cooled, the ocean waters are turned into clouds, which will block the sun and cool the planet. Female generated global heating is counteracted. The planet is saved. Everyone is happy. Life is good.

Now if we only knew that outlawing all male “pull my finger” instances would be enough to control the carbon butt print threat to the planet. I’ll work on that solution in another post.

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