WWJD? A Honda! And I Can Prove It!
Over the past 6 weeks, a group in Washington, DC have been visiting gas stations in the area to hold prayer vigils that implore God to lower gas prices. When our intrepid group first started, you could get a gallon of regular for $3.53. Today, as they continue their fuelish chants, gasoline is within a few pennies of the four dollar mark. I guess with all the war, poverty, disease, and injustice in the world, perhaps high gas prices haven’t made the heavenly top ten list yet. It probably doesn’t help that they start each session with, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Gas.”
Their undertaking made me wonder about that burning theological question, WWJD — what would Jesus Drive? Since he’s of Middle Eastern dissent and speaks no English, my first guess was a taxi. But that’s not very biblical. I believe that the answer lies in the New Testament where we learn that Jesus drove a Honda. For proof, I refer you to the book of Acts where the apostles were said to be in one Accord with Jesus. (Getting 13 men into a small car is nothing short of a miracle. Getting 13 men out of an Accord is nothing short of a circus act.) But we shouldn’t be too surprised that Jesus had a car. God himself drove a Pontiac. Don’t believe me? If you will turn to the book of Genesis, you’ll read about God driving Adam and Eve from Eden in a Fury.
Of course, that was eons ago. Now that God is at least 13 billion years old (that’s 10,000 in Christian fundamentalist years), we don’t know if he still has his driver’s license … which could explain why he is now said to be everywhere at once. This omnipotence must have happened after an uprising of extremely annoyed Angels who were stuck behind God in traffic. What could be worse than being behind an all-knowing Deity who is driving like he has all the time in world while forgetting that his left turn signal is on. “Let there be light. Let there be not. Let there be light. Let there be not. Let there be..” No doubt, Lucifer made the mistake of angrily honking his horn while making obscene hand gestures. God’s response was the first “Go to hell!” ever spoken. The rest is biblical history.
Anyway, I have no doubt that gas prices will become cheaper. Hopefully this will happen in my lifetime. But if our prayer warriors really do bring pump prices down, I do hope that they then turn their attention to 30 year old scotch. Who are we to say that God doesn’t appreciate the finer things of life? That water-to-wine miracle proved that good alcohol was well within the realm of heavenly powers. Wouldn’t you appreciate fine scotch made cheap? I know I would pull over and raise a toast in thanks to the Almighty …
