What’s All This Then!

Up until a few years ago, you didn’t want to be called a twit. The connotation was that of an insignificant or bothersome person. The Internet has changed that perception. Today, the latest, the greatest, the most talked social application is Twitter. To be a online Twit is supposed to be a good thing now. At least, this is the hype that I’ve been reading about for the last two years. So a couple weeks ago, I signed up to see what the excitement was. It turns out that Twitter is a lot like the AOL chat rooms of the 90s. But instead of multiple chat rooms that were limited to 50 or so people, you have one chat room that’s limited to everyone on the planet with a computer and an Internet connection. We have become a world of 6 billion potential twits.

Do you want to tell the world that you’re about to clip your parakeet’s toenails? Then Twitter is for you! But if you’re trying to expand your social network, I’ve noticed that it helps for you to be part of the in-crowd on this global chat line. Apparently, I haven’t achieved the hip-enough social standing to get replies to my twits that I’ve sent to the twitter community in general or to specific people. So far, being connected into Twitter has made me feel like one of those crazy people you pass in public who are talking to themselves. Maybe the problem is that my twitter name is mysticfree. At this point, I’ve found Twitter to be nothing more than an overrated chat room. At best, I can get breaking news type coverage from the popular news networks like CNN and the BBC. And if you get your family or friends signed up, you could follow the latest gossip — much cheaper than texting and the whole world can learn about your parakeet’s affair with his manicurist. But as far as twitting with the rest of the world, I have yet to figure out how to get replies from people that aren’t trying to sell me something…

“How fortunate for leaders that men do not think.” - Adolf Hitler (who came to power through majority vote)

“It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.” Voltaire

Happy voting ….

Just in time for those guys who can’t get enough of surfing the Internet by typing with one hand, here comes the latest fashion: a keyboard built into your jeans! I’m not sure if these are the kind of pants that you should only wear at home or, for those desperate geeks, wear to a bar to impress the ladies. “Hey babe! Want to touch my space bar?” If that doesn’t get you a swift kick to your B-G-H-Y keys, you may have yourself a keeper.

Please don’t make me bring up the issue of “sticky keys” …

So I passed yet another cutesy church sign that said “Ch__ch. What is missing?” I’m thinking … it must be money to buy enough letters for your sign.

For that matter, so is Barack Obama according to the Citizens Against Government Waste’s (CAGW) 2008 “Pig Book.” CAGW ranked Senator Clinton as the top 13th pork spender, far above Senator Obama who landed the 28th spot. (Surprisingly, John McCain didn’t make the list because he didn’t incur any pork spending for his state of Arizona.)

As a over-taxed American who had hoped a Democratic-led Congress would break its historic tradition and keep its promise to slash pork spending, all I can say is “Thank you for taking - not earning or asking but taking - $17.2 billion for your pet projects. Congratulation to the top three spenders: Thad Cochran of Mississippi, Ted Stevens of Alaska, and Richard C. Shelby of Alabama. A big thanks to Mr. Clyburn (South Carolina) for spending $3,000,000 for the noble cause of a golf course. Also, a big, wet kiss to Mr. Rangel (New York) for his “Monument To Me” - a $2 million library to be called the Charles B. Rangel Center for Public Service.”

CAGW have been listing these gross wastes of money for 18 years now. And still it continues. If you need a fine example on the failings of democracy, you have only to read CAGW’s report. As long as the fruits of our labor and our voices aren’t protected, then we are just fair game to the votes of our fellow citizens, and of the local, state and federal politicians. Can one vote make a difference? Apparently, only if you trying to get something for nothing from your fellow man.

In rural India, near New Delhi, the parents of a month old baby girl have been receiving several visitors each day. It’s not that they live in an extremely friendly village. Rather, their unique child is thought to be the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess because this healthy baby was born with two faces. The strong religious beliefs of the area have prompted a mini-pilgrimage to see the infant. Here in American, representatives from both the Democratic and Republican parties are frantically on their way to India to convince her parents to relocate to the US. After all, she would be the ideal politician …

My youngest son is spending his spring break with me this week. As with most 16 years old, he’s big into Xbox 360 games. Somehow I didn’t think he would enjoy an evening flipping coins into a beer mug. So in preparation for his visit, I found that Rent-A-Center (RAC) had the best price for a weekly rental on Xbox and stopped there on Thursday to get a game system.

I’ve rented movies. I’ve rented cars. So I expected to fill out a little paperwork. After all, these companies have to protect their investments. Yet, I didn’t expect the “bloody Spanish Inquisition” of forms and questions when I walked into RAC that evening. (”Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”) While the personnel was friendly and patience, I felt I was dealing with a cross between a used car salesman and a crooked lawyer. They wanted my salary, work history, my social security number, my mortgage company’s phone number; contact info on my parents, my neighbors, and my friends; the names of my pets - dead and alive, my favorite color, my blood type, and whether I was wearing clean underwear or not.

I couldn’t give them any info on my deceased parents except to tell them that RAC would need an Ouija board for any contact. As for the Social Security request, well, that is a big NO-NO especially in this day of identity theft. Not a day goes by that you don’t hear of some trusted agency losing a vital laptop with everyone’s personal information; or of a store that had it’s database hacked exposing all of its customers’ credit card data.

You do know that your Social Security (SS) is like your bank account’s PIN number? How easily do you give your PIN number out? Because of this dangerous threat to your financial safety, you are NOT legally required to give out your SS number. More importantly, companies who aren’t dealing directly with your income in some way, are NOT suppose to use your number for identification or tracking purposes. This includes your doctor, your auto insurance company, your grocery store, your mechanic and your brother-in-law. I got around RAC’s system by verbally telling my number to store clerk. I watched him type it in, verified what he needed, and then had him back completely out of his screens to remove any trace of my number.

An hour later, after they spoke with my children and my friends, called my work and my mortgage company, and verified my blood and urine samples, I was about to get an X-Box 360. ‘About to get’ because the advertised sales on the store’s placecard suddenly didn’t mean a thing. According to the sales clerk, the one week rental was now a two week minimum. The game and memory card listed were no longer part of the rental. “That’s a little like false advertising, isn’t it?” I asked. He just sheepishly grinned and suggested that we could do a weekly rental. After all of this hassle, I got the game system home to find an interface cable missing for the second controller. ::: sigh :::

This entire process would make for a great, frustrating video game. You too can play “Rent-A-Product” where you get to prove your qualifications without losing your soul! This game is more enjoyable if you are already bald — less hair to pull out, don’t you know ….

So the headline read “Congress grills oil executives over profits!” What a hoot! Nothing like a fat, greedy politician trying to deep fry a fat, greedy business executive. Honestly, it took me several minutes before I could regain my composure after reading that headline.

Think about it, at $105 a barrel, we’re talking about $2.50 a gallon into the pockets of companies like Exxon. Of course, I’m confident you know that Congress takes $1.11 out of that $2.50 for itself. Add another $0.19 that you and I have to pay at the pumps to the feds and that means Congress is raking in $1.30 on every gallon free and clear.

Oh sure, our paunchy politicians feign outrage as oil companies spend record profits on refineries and alternative energy sources. After all, this is an election year. Yet, no one says a thing about our beloved bureaucrats spending billions to fund teapot museums and on studies on the sex lives of darter snails. If our beloved bureaucrats are truly outraged, if they are that concerned over gas prices, wouldn’t they do the noble thing and allow us to go from $3.20 to $1.90 a gallon by removing their charge?

Ah, American government! You gotta love the hypocrisy…