Less Than 11 Months To Live
Hi, I’m Ron and I’m one of the estimated 14.3 million households that have cablesatitous dysfunction. As a result, I have less than 11 months to live … with the current over-the-air television broadcasts. That’s right, in 2009, our beloved analog world succumbs to the digital onslaught. Our rabbit ears and tin foiled concoctions of wire and metal rods will no longer let us watch grainy images on our analog boob-tubes (“Is that Paula or Randy?”). The good news is that a life-saving treatment will be available for those forced into technological obsolesce by the FCC. The treatment? A digital TV converter box.
These boxes will take unseen 1′s and 0′s from the air (believe me, they are there. My government told me so.) and magically transform those two numbers into waves of entertainment that our old TVs can use. I wish I could say that these boxes will also let you use the brightness setting on your television to change shows into something more intelligent. But certain rules of the universe cannot be tampered with. “Garbage out, garbage in” being one of those immutable laws.
With the 2009 deadline approaching, this nationwide conversion is following a true bureaucratic path. No one is quite sure when these wonder devices will be available, if there will be enough to meet demand, and that important question, what will they cost. Of course, this is America and we have to be entertained. So cost isn’t really important. Still, if you go to www.dtv2009.gov, you can request up to two coupons that will discount $40 off of a converter box. Based on my manufacturing experience, these boxes will be built in China for a $1. Normally, places like Wal-mart would then sell our vital converters for $25. But this coupon subsidy will slightly bump the retail price to about $200, give or take a zero or two (more likely ‘give’ … you give, everyone else takes). Whatever the price, you need to go to coupon program site and sign up for yours. If enough of us submit an application, maybe we can then pool our coupons and buy one converter. I’ll use it first just to make sure it works. Then we’ll draw for which year the rest of you can use it…
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