What’s All This Then!

You know how tough it can be fighting a cold. So during my battle, I’ve tried to be a good boy and a faithful employee these past couple of weeks showing up as though nothing was wrong. This meant blogging fell to the curb as soon as I got home. And then the adventure expanded as I picked up the flu a few days ago.

So what’s worse than having a cold and the flu? Try standing in front of the medicine aisle when you’re sick. It’s like grocery shopping when you’re hungry — so many tempting options to try to satisfy your cravings. In my case, it was to stop coughing and fever long enough to form a complete sentence. Fast acting verse long lasting? It’s difficult to make a decision between feeling good right away for a little while and feeling good later on for a longer period of time. Then there was the choice of $50 for a 1000 pills that will expire before I need them again or paying $30 for a month’s supply that also will expire before I need them again. While in my feverish state, I also found boxes that were as thick as a credit cards. I know that medicine has advanced but I didn’t know we had pills that were wafer thin … until I realized that it was in fact a card. Thank you to the few idiots who found ways to make more drugs from drugs and to you politicians that needed a phony-baloney reason to get elected. Now I have to stand in front of a guy already on a podium and prove that I’m not going to ruin the free world. Of course, I’ll have no problem hacking up a couple of golf-ball sized phlegm balls on his counter. Is that proof enough that I need the medicine?

At the moment, I think I’m passed fever induced dreams (or hallucinations) about work or how I saved the world with effortless feats of flight about the globe. I just don’t recall self-medication being this difficult of a task before now. Thank goodness for whiskey and hot toddies!

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In my sidebar to the right, you’ll see a “Call Me” widget. This goodie is courtesy of Google who recently bought GrandCentral. GrandCentral’s program allows people to call you at any of your phones you set up. So now I have a new phone number that will reach me at all of my existing phones. One number to reach me at many phones: home, work, cell, etc. People can even use my new number as an email address. Not only does my number stays private, I can use all of the GrandCentral screening, blocking, forwarding, voice mail and other features that put me in control of my calls. Right now, it’s in the beta phase and is free. Let me know if you want an invitation for your own number. Stay tuned because I’m going to use it to leave an audio post here soon…

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Here you are, the ultimate in technology: a GPS receiver with breath analyzer technology! Now, when your guidance system tells you that you’re drunk and you tell it to go to hell, it will gladly give you directions on how to get there.

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Way back when in the VCR war between Betamax and VHS standards, consumers picked VHS’s low price over Betamax’s video quality. Now another war has come to an end. But it’s not the consumers who picked what was best for them.

It’s official. Tobshiba has announced that it will stop producing the best contender in the high definition DVD player war, HD-DVD. Blu-ray won. The video quality was the same on both players so this wasn’t never an issue. But, in the end, all the issues that were important to consumers didn’t matter any way. Never mind that HD-DVD was the cheapest, had the best audio quality, and was, technologically, the most stable; making it the best of the two high def players. Sony’s buggy copy protection technology won the pocket books of the movie studios, who, in turn, leaned on businesses — HARD. Blu-ray won. We consumers lost.

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For me, going to mechanics ranks right up there with having a pleasant bout of prickly heat. But with my tires starting to wear unevenly, I couldn’t put off that alignment any longer. This morning, I bit the bullet (which was really a badly cooked biscuit) and went to a new car shop, Harrell’s Auto Service, that had opened up a few months ago.

The staff was very pleasant. The building had that new car/building smell and the price to fix my car was half that of the dealership. But … there’s always a “but” … there was a 2 to 3 hour wait. The owner of the garage, Mike, then smiled — which is scary when any mechanic smiles as they write up your bill. That’s usually followed by dollars signs in their eyes and drool on your wallet. But this wasn’t the case. He said that I was in luck because, in about an hour, there would be free pizza, hamburgers, sodas and chips. Not only that, the local radio station, Rock 103, would be there with free goodies and the Rock103 calendar girl, Ms. November. OK. This could be fun. In fact, I did have an unexpected turn-of-events at the end of all of this.

I haven’t listened to 103 since XMradio stoled my heart, soul and listening habits a few years ago. So it was rather exciting to see “Al the Van Man” show up. I seem to catch him ever few years about the town as he does promos. Great guy! The kind guy you wouldn’t mind introducing to your mother. The kind of guy you would trust with your bank account but not with your sister. Thanks to Al (and Mike), I had fun at Harrell’s. After I lightened my wallet and increased my belly, Al put me on the radio as Ms. November danced on top of the 103 van and waved to passing motorists. “Hello, what’s your name?” “Ron” “And what are you here for, Ron?” “I’ve come to rescue Ms. November!” At which point, we all yelled “Woo Hoo!” So if you were driving down the road and heard a seductively, sexy voice from a man-on-the-street … that’s wasn’t me. On the other hand, if you were shaking your head in embarrassment … well, never mind.

Yes, I got goodies: a T-shirt, another bottle opener for TSA security to confiscate when I travel, and a calendar with the Rock 103 ladies. It’s difficult to see the calendar dates as they tend to blend in with the background. But that’s rather fitting for this calendar because guys like me probably wouldn’t see dates with these girls either. These are the type of women who wouldn’t give me the time of day. Which is understandable since they don’t wear watches (or much of anything else for that matter. But I’m not complaining). Still, Ms. November did sign my calendar: “Ron, Keep On Rocking! VoVo, Jessica” I have no idea what “VoVo” means. Maybe it’s like a diet version of “XOXO” with reduced hugs and half of the kiss. Who knows.

Anyway, there you have it! Car fixed, free goodies, a calendar girl’s autograph and 2 minutes of almost fame! This definite beats prickly heat any time!

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I started this post a month ago. Since then, a couple of cartoons talked about in this entertaining interview have been published. Still, this is an excellent chat with twisted mind behind “Pearls Before Swine” creator, Stephan Pastis. I thought I’d better post this before 2009 rolls around …

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A recent study said that most men prefer love over money and health. I’m willing to bet that most women prefer guys who aren’t poor and sick. Still, this might explain the barrage of ads aimed at making men prove their love with plants and trinkets that jumped tenfold in value just before today. How many guys felt that pressure? How many felt obligated on this one day to shower their loved ones with flowers, candy, jewelry and other assorted gifts? Yes, there’s nothing like the pressure of television and businesses to make you act out of guilt instead of out of love.

As for me, I don’t celebrate Valentine’s day per se. And yet my girlfriend is still happy. My secret? Start out by consistently treat your woman with respect and honor. After that, give them gifts and tokens of your affection when they least expect it. If you do things right, every day is like Valentine’s day, just without the naked, armed, chubby cherub. Your relationship can go a long way when you give in the spirit of love rather than guilt. I don’t know why. My guess is that this confirms to a woman that she is indeed someone very special — and not special in the Olympic sense. Although if you surprise her with a perfect Valentines-type day, there will be such an endearing look of innocent joy in her eyes that any child would be envious of her love-filled gaze.

Yes, I know we guys are often more practical than romantic and you really can’t put a price on the emotion of love. (However, you can put a price on all its accessories.) So consider that giving without the hope of reward can have very real, practical returns. Love is like a fire. You want to make sure that it builds to warm the heart instead becoming a destructive power that ends up burning down the house … or trailer. But don’t take my word on this. Just pick up a newspaper and tell me if I’m wrong. Happy Valentine’s!

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Do you ever feel a little suspicious when sites ask for your email address? Yes, their free newsletter looks like it will give you crucial, life-changing, awe-inspiring information that you’ll never find anywhere else. Their downloadable program will make your life slicker than having baggies on your feet during an ice storm. Their privacy statement says that they won’t sell your address to any one who is handling an estate in a foreign country and needs to return a million dollars to you. Worse still, is that another site whom you would trust with your bank account and your first born, highly recommends signing up for that newsletter or downloading that program.

So I rarely sign up, load down, or give out my email address. Yet, somehow, somewhere, some evil spammer got a hold of my address and lately my inbox quickly fills each day with college offers, book deals, and weight loss promises. So which site violated my trust and my inbox?

Yesterday, I took action. I suspended my distrust and went to a disposable email service site recommended by CNET called sneakemail.com and set up an account. Now if I need to enter an email address, I go to sneakemail, have them generate a unique address that I can use to track where the spam is coming from. Any mail with that address will first go to sneakemail who will then forward it to my real address. This way, I can know who sold my good name. While this won’t help me with my current load of spammers, it will help in the future so I can then pass the word about which sites you should avoid.

UPDATE: sneakemail.com has become a pay-to-use service. As a result, I’ve started using Gishpuppy with excellent results. In fact, I’ve found much easier to use than sneakemail.

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The tornados and severe thunderstorms are headed my way. One site that I keep open in my browser is the National Storm Prediction center. From their site, I can access more localized alerts and warnings. Right now, it looks like this:

You might notice that the text reads “Map updated at 1951Z …” The ‘Z’ refers to Zulu time, which is Greenwich Mean Time. For my time zone (East Coast), I have to subtract 5 hours to get my local time. So 1951Z is 1451 EST, which is 2:51 PM. The map updates every 10 minutes or so.

I hope that you find this info helpful in keeping you safe!

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If you’re running your blog on WordPress 2.3.2, you need to get 2.3.3 right NOW! Apparently, a “specially crafted request would allow any valid user to edit posts of any other user on that blog.” As long as they improve my posts, I say go for it! But alas! I’m still on version 2.2.1 as I wait for the “better-than-sliced-bread” version 2.5. So I’m secure … I hope!

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Hi, I’m Ron and I’m one of the estimated 14.3 million households that have cablesatitous dysfunction. As a result, I have less than 11 months to live … with the current over-the-air television broadcasts. That’s right, in 2009, our beloved analog world succumbs to the digital onslaught. Our rabbit ears and tin foiled concoctions of wire and metal rods will no longer let us watch grainy images on our analog boob-tubes (“Is that Paula or Randy?”). The good news is that a life-saving treatment will be available for those forced into technological obsolesce by the FCC. The treatment? A digital TV converter box.

These boxes will take unseen 1′s and 0′s from the air (believe me, they are there. My government told me so.) and magically transform those two numbers into waves of entertainment that our old TVs can use. I wish I could say that these boxes will also let you use the brightness setting on your television to change shows into something more intelligent. But certain rules of the universe cannot be tampered with. “Garbage out, garbage in” being one of those immutable laws.

With the 2009 deadline approaching, this nationwide conversion is following a true bureaucratic path. No one is quite sure when these wonder devices will be available, if there will be enough to meet demand, and that important question, what will they cost. Of course, this is America and we have to be entertained. So cost isn’t really important. Still, if you go to www.dtv2009.gov, you can request up to two coupons that will discount $40 off of a converter box. Based on my manufacturing experience, these boxes will be built in China for a $1. Normally, places like Wal-mart would then sell our vital converters for $25. But this coupon subsidy will slightly bump the retail price to about $200, give or take a zero or two (more likely ‘give’ … you give, everyone else takes). Whatever the price, you need to go to coupon program site and sign up for yours. If enough of us submit an application, maybe we can then pool our coupons and buy one converter. I’ll use it first just to make sure it works. Then we’ll draw for which year the rest of you can use it…

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When I first heard about cheeseburger in a can, I thought they were referring to where a cheeseburger winds up after you eat one. But no! For almost 4 Euros ($6 American), you too can have your own, delicious canned cheeseburger! Just the tasty treat for those of you who are staying away from natural foods. (As I add another year to the ol’ body clock, I know that I’m trying to fill up with all the preservatives that I can.) Is this the best thing since sliced bread? It might be if they come out with a cheeseburger spread …

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