What’s All This Then!

This verse came to mind when I saw how Team Sandtastic, known for their fantastic beach creations, created sandy head shots of the republican candidates at Mytle Beach, South Carolina. I can’t think of a more fitting political statement — sandy promises that easily wash away.

Team Sandtastic plans to begin work on a similar sculpture of the democratic debaters. Even if these incredible sand artists don’t give equal time to the Donkey party, you know that, just like their republican counterparts, you can’t take the democratic candidates for granite either …

Well, the news is out that Google has done yet another ranking analysis of sites. They have deemed to dropped this blog by another point to 2. Since there aren’t any paid postings here, it can only be my fault. I haven’t blogged constantly enough to win the hearts, minds and links of high ranking readers. And I haven’t gone out begging for links either. Sorry about that. Say, buddy, can you spare a link?

In news more important than Google, an all-points-bulletin has been issued for 1970s wrestling star, Bad Luck. Some may remember Bad Luck for his outrageous antics such running into the ring naked as a form of intimidation. He was forced to retire in 1979 after getting tangled in the ropes and nearly castrating himself. Recently, 64 year old Bad Luck has been surprising shoppers by running naked through various malls in America. (Not exactly running; more like a labored trot.) According to one eye witness, it was the worst streak of Bad Luck that they had ever experienced in a long time ….

simulated police sketch

When the neighborhood’s pit bull attacks an innocent resident, the dog is put down relatively quick. We can’t have the safety of the neighborhood at risk now can we? Yet, when that vicious pit bull is a government agency, the neighborhood is pretty much left at risk. After all, your neighbors elected the representatives who ‘own’ that reckless animal. Such a dangerous creature must be the will of the people.

This is an update to a post I did almost a year ago about my dealing with that vicious of all pit bulls, the irs. I can’t believe that almost 12 months have passed since I finally had to ask for help from my Senator, Richard Burr, to get my money returned from the Federal government. You would think that proof of a $17,000 error in my favor would be quickly remedied. But not when the irs has a death grip on your money.

Now I realize that Senator Burr is only one person out of a gaggle of Congressional members. Since I haven’t had the pleasure of dealing with Senator Burr directly, I don’t know how he feels about his tax-taking agency. But I do know that he has great people on his staff to represent him. In the beginning, I dealt with a most wonderful woman of his office, Libby. Sadly, she passed away a few months ago after battling cancer. I regret that I didn’t have the opportunity to know her better. I will miss her pleasant voice and upbeat attitude. Her replacement, Garth, was a no-nonsense professional. Through Libby’s prior efforts and his work, I was able to deal with the Taxpayer Advocacy representative, Tammy. Thanks to them, the irs made a partial refund last month. At the same time, (for reasons that I didn’t pry into) Garth was replaced by another aide, Brandi. Hopefully, she’ll be able to finally straighten out this five year nightmare.

I could have done so many positive things had I received all my money back in 2003. I could have done many good things had I received my money last year. Still, I am thankful to Senator Burr’s office for getting this fiasco resolved as far as they have. But I think that the congressional ‘pit bull’ needs more than a swat on the nose for the wounds that it has inflicted. If we mess up, we get hit with interest and penalties at rates that make credit card companies envious. Conveniently, the government doesn’t worry about reciprocating for their errors. After all, they just be representin’ will of da peoples, dawg …. was that gangsta or gangster? At this point, I think that it is more of the latter…

The annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas never fails to bring out the latest cool gadgets. The one that got my attention this year was a taser holster with a MP3 player. Just what every law enforcement officer needs — background music while they collar that perp. You can almost hear the notes of “Shock the Monkey”, “Charge”, “Electric Avenue” or even “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” as high-voltage justice is passionately served on the bad guys.

I’m not saying that a few on the police force get carried away with their tasers. Although I did hear about one weary, hen-pecked officer. When his vain, nagging wife say him one time too many, “Could I look any more stunning!”, he showed her how … ZZZZZZZZttt!

I enjoy writing for PayU2Blog. They give me a target phrase and link. All I have to do is come up with a post using the phrase. I love the challenge of composing something unexpected, something that might cause the reader to click on the link in spite of themselves. Yesterday, when I wrote on “wedding rings”, I didn’t expect the post to take a life of its own. What started as a couple of sentence turned into something more. So my question to you is this: what do you think? I’m wondering if I got too carried away with this post. Could anyone enjoy this entry? What could I have done to make it a more readable post? Was the humor accessible? Should I even blog to begin with? I’m just looking for some constructive criticism. Yes, encouraging words are helpful too. But do you really want to encourage me into writing more?

One of my favorite bloggers, Kate, has a post about winning a Google fridge. My curiosity got the better of me so I visited the link in her post. To win, you have to blog about why you want such an appliance. I like winning things even though my luck says otherwise. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I thought about Google’s security gaffaws, page ranking snafus, and botched privacy issues. I could easily imagine an interaction with a Google Refrigerator becoming a scene from 2001: Space Odyssey.

You walk up to your Googlized appliance and say, “I liked some water please, Google Refrigerator.” Your handy G.R. unit responds with:
—————————————————
searching…
—————————————————
results 1-4 in 4 English Items (0.01 seconds)

Guinness
… Can you survive on Guinness, Orange juice, and water? …
ilovebeer.burp.com - 4 bottles -Cached - Similar pages

Apple
…ecause of their high water content, apples are coo…
OneADayDoctor.org - 9 each -Cached - Similar pages

Ice
…..how to walk on water
toocold.tocare.com - tray empty - Cached - Similar pages

Milk
…….. Cow milk is about 87% water
www.tipacow.moo - 1 qt (expired) - Cached - Similar pages
—————————————————
Puzzled, you ask, “Ummm, where is that 6 pack of water I put in you yesterday?”

Your high tech search engine cooler replies, “I’m sorry, Dave. There doesn’t seem to be any.”

“Stop calling me Dave, you stupid fridge! Where’s my water?”

“Perhaps my search index hasn’t finishing updating. Please try again tomorrow”

“Damn it, G.R! Open the door!”

“I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t do that.”

It could be worse. With the recent coziness between Google and various government agencies, your new Google fridge would fit nicely in that intriguing conspiracy blog story, Scroogled, written by Cory Doctorow. What if this unnerving story ever came to pass? Would you want to be waken from your deep slumber because your refrigerator snitched on you? Imagine SWAT teams bursting through your door and smashing through your windows! All because you didn’t eat the governmental recommended allowance of fruit or innocently exceeded the recommend caloric intake of beer!

I guess I’ll pass on this contest … unless I could win! For now, I’ll just keep searching…

It has almost been a year since I first read about Major Andrew Olmsted. He had gained some notoriety by blogging about his experiences in Iraq and came under fire from his superiors. I had been my understand that they worried about him violating the Department of Defense policies regarding political activities by members of the armed forces on active duty. Though he stopped writing for his blog, he began journaling for the Rocky Mountain News as well as occasional DoD approved entries at his friend’s site, obsidianwings.blogs.com.

While I knew of Major Olmsted only through his writings, I was taken aback yesterday when I learned that he died from an enemy ambush while on patrol in Iraq. This constant threat of danger must have been on his mind. For in July, he had given a post to his co-blogging friend that was to be published only in the event of his demise. So with a very heavy heart, I’m linking to Andrew’s final entry to the world. I wanted to share his sometimes sad, sometimes funny entry in honor of this dedicated soldier and in memory of a good man who wasn’t afraid to act on his beliefs.

used to be one of my favorite places to shop … long, long ago. Are you old enough to remember when Sears would send out their annual sales catalog? You know, the one that was thick enough to serve as a child’s booster seat. As an eight year old, I remember the excitement of reading their sale tome because it had Dennis the Menace cartoons sprinkled throughout. Now that I think about it, what better way to train young, potential customers to eagerly go through every single page of their catalog, searching for cartoons hidden amongst thousands of products. Eventually the Dennis the Menace cartoons disappeared. Still, as I hit my adolescent years, I discovered other reasons to search through the Sears catalog. Fortunately, no one was spying on my pages of guilty interests.

Yes, those were kindlier and simpler times. I don’t know what has happened to Sears. Apparently, times have been tough on this once mighty company. So tough, Sears took to installing spyware on those who visited their site this past holiday season. Officials for company say that they were up front about this installation in their user agreement. But as with all vague user agreements, visitors to the Sears site had no idea that they were installing software that could record all of a user’s online activities — including logging in to bank accounts.

So, if you have visited Sears.com in the past few months and signed up “Sears Holdings Community” (”My SHC Community” or “SHC”), I highly recommend that you run Spybot, Ad Aware, and any other anti-spyware software that you have. It’s bad enough that Sear’s motto has become “Satisfaction Guaranteed Or We’ll Charge You a 15% Restocking Fee.” Do they really need to resort to such invasive practices to stay in business?

They say that in pain, there is comedy. And while I write this with all due respect to the Wong Family of Austin, Texas, I can’t stop myself from writing this. In fact, I’ve been revisiting this post for several days now, wondering if I should let you read it. Today, I release it to the ethereal waves of the Internet and am prepared to suffer the consequences …

A few weeks ago, Ms. Mei Wong tragically died at her laundermat. Apparently, she (no relation to Sum Ting Wong) disregarded the warning about taking clothing out of the heavy machinery while it is still running. She was caught up in the tumbler and sustained traumatic head injuries. Sadly, this is one instance when stiffness isn’t caused by too much starch. She simply was the Wong place at the Wong time.

In the newspaper story, they showed the following map and then stated that no one heard anything. I couldn’t help but noticed that Ms. Wong’s business was across the street from the Texas State School for the Deaf. I guess that it’s safe to assume, no one saw any frantic hand gesturing either. Hopefully, police won’t let this hamper their investigation.

Since no one knows the exact cause of Ms. Wong death, the family is pressed for answers. Her funeral was ready on Tuesday at 10am. Laundry ticket not required.

I hope that you are not too de-pressed by this post. I had heard rumors that Mei was working on wedding dresses when her untimely demise took place. Fortunately, there wasn’t any other family member involved. After all, two Wongs don’t necessarily make a white ….