What’s All This Then!

A few days ago, my neighbor complained about the problem his church was having with their nativity scene. This year, it seemed that every time they placed a baby Jesus figure into his bed, some idiot would steal it. I was going to suggest that they nail Jesus to his wooden manger but that seem it would be a little redundant. Besides, it’s bad enough we have Christmas imagery as early as September. But to start Easter at Christmas …

Happy Christmas and a Merry New Years to YOU ALL!!!

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After several decades of operation, Disney has had to close the “It’s A Small World” ride down. For the past few years, more of its boats have been getting stuck during the ride. To fix this, Disney will renovate to raise water levels and make the boats more buoyant.

It’s not that the boats have been getting stuck due to low water levels. Rather, it is an increase of heavier visitors who are making the boats ride lower in the water. At first, Disney installed ramps along the course and had the more portly riders disembark. I don’t know if many took offense to this request. Hopefully, they were big enough to turn the other chin, er, cheek. In any case, to make sure that no one’s feelings were hurt for being large enough to strand an amusement ride, Disney compensating them with coupons for … you guessed it, free food. And you know how health-conscious the offerings at the Disney concession stands are. How else can a small, small world become smaller if its visitors aren’t big, big, bigger?

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I didn’t think that I would make it. Luckily, my streak of not being named in front of my coworkers has continued for its 16th year. I was a little concerned yesterday. In the first year that I began working for this company, I had a one-in-20 chance that the Company President would pick that slip of paper bearing my name. With people quitting in droves these past several months, this year’s odds had decreased to one-in-five that my name would be pulled from the dreaded box. Not to worry though. After yesterday’s annual drawing, I’m happy to report that my streak of good fortune continues unabated.

Instead of handing out bonuses, our company president goes out and buys several items for his annual Christmas lottery. Out of this year’s profits of several million of dollars, a few thousand were thrown away on 15 things ranging from gift certificates to a 50 inch high definition television. How upper management will be able to make payments on their mansions and yachts now is beyond me. They complain so much as it is that they aren’t making enough money. And I know that the price of a 50 inch TV would have covered at least one of their golfing green fees. Besides, what if fate pointed its unwelcomed finger at me this time? What would I do with such a television anyway? Right now, my reception from rabbit ears and an amplifier give amazing fuzzy images interspersed with snow. To watch high-definition snow and fuzz would be very overrated.

Fortunately, I was spared. My name was never picked. My lucky streak continues. Once again I avoided the embarrassment being among those unlucky few who were forced into depriving upper management of a few thousand dollars. I, along with the rest of my unselected co-workers, can sleep at night now not having that worry. That’s the reward for our long hours and hard work.

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Almost twenty years ago, Don and Susie Kirlin bought a vacant lot in scenic Boulder, Colorado and left it undeveloped and unvisited. It would a great spot to retire to. Or so this couple thought when they returned to their land (now worth about $3 million) two years ago. During the Kirlin’s absence, their adjoining neighbors, former Judge Richard McLean and his wife, attorney Edith Stevens, had constructed a path and a garden on property that clearly wasn’t theirs. McLean and Stevens said that they thought the Kirlins wouldn’t mind. Wouldn’t mind?! Naturally, the Kirlins took their neighbors to court to evicted these wealth squatters. The court’s decision? Don and Susie have to GIVE up a third of their lot (worth about $1 million) to McLean and Stevens under a legal term known as “adverse possession.” This wonderful work of legal thievery states that you can gain possession of a property after using it without challenge by the owner. It helps tremendously if the owner is away and doesn’t know that you’re helping yourself to their possessions. I imagine that this was a tough decision for the presiding judge: to side with a former member of the bar under ‘adverse possession” or to side with the moralistic ideal of “thou shalt not steal.”

It looks like terrorists don’t have to be in another country, robbing our brave boys and girls of their life and limb. Apparently, terrorists can live here and pillage all they want under the guise of being a ‘judge’ and ‘lawyer’. If you live in Boulder and you happen by the home of McLean and Stevens, would you lobe a rotten egg at their house for me? Thanks.

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You go up the stairs, turn to the right and there is my office — a room with no soundproofing as it sits over a busy model shop. Some days I try and mask the noise of lathes and grinders by bringing in my CDs. But that ends up with me having to tote more stuff back and forth between work and home. Today I think I may have found a solution that doesn’t involve ear plugs. In one of my newsletter from CNet.com, I read their high recommendations for site called Pandora.com.

Pandora.com is based on a Music Genome Project. The idea is that you pick an artist or song that you want to hear and the site picks a set of related songs. As each song plays, you give it a thumbs up or thumbs down. This causes Pandora to begin building your ideal radio station — playing the music that you want to enjoy on a continual basis. Even with my eclectic taste, this worked out great. After a few selections, I was listening to songs that I was in the mood for. Later on in the day, I picked a completely different genre and set up a second radio station which worked out just as well.

Now I should mention that our company uses a very restrictive firewall that prevents audio and video streaming. Yet, I had no problems, noticed no delays or interruptions in any of the music that played. This was very impressive!

I just thought I’d pass this along for your listening pleasure. Since Pandora.com also have preset stations for the holidays, this may be ideal for you if you’re sitting at your desk or visiting family for the holidays and you don’t want your uncle to play his record of “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” for the millionth time.

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You might have read where I thought I crashed and almost burned my house down a couple of days ago. If you haven’t, go ahead and read it. I’ll wait ……..

Tonight, I removed all doubted as to what happen when I cooked using the convection oven function of my microwave. Tonight’s recipe: Take one dish, place in the microwave oven (because we’re in a hurry to eat), set to 350 and press [start]. So far, so good. Fifteen minutes later, I smell something burning and thinking it is the remains of my previous adventure. But no! I find the kitchen full of smoke and the oven has a dim, reddish glow about it. MMMMMMMMM! Dinner flambe but without the alcohol! Luckily, I shut everything down and got a fan going to clear out the house. Just the thing to do on a chilly, December night.

My Sharp microwave oven has served me well for over fifteen years. It has even resisted the urge to combust these past couple of cooking sprees! I can still use the microwave function but I believe the convection part will do me in should I use it again. All I can say for the moment is that I’m glad I was awake this time. I’m not to happy to learn that the smoke alarm is dead as well …. Fortunately, I didn’t make an ash of myself this time!

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For some of us, the approaching holidays means that we will be visited by our sons and daughters. Some will stay with us as part of their break from college. Others will be home on leave from their military service to our country. It’s hard to believe that they were once small children. We look at these burgeoning adults now and try to remember having to wiping tiny, snotty noses and bandage their little hurts. But here they are now, living on their own, and making a life for themselves. So let’s share a toast with them and laugh over silly things they did as children. Well, you can share that toast as long you don’t live in North Carolina.

As of yesterday, if you give that glass of champagne to your adult child who is under 21, the state can snatch your driver’s license away quicker than you can pop that cork. It doesn’t matter if you are all in the privacy of your home. It doesn’t matter that your young, responsible adults understand the importance of not driving after drinking. According to Craig Lloyd, the executive director of the North Carolina chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, punishing parents for celebrating with their adult children is not excessive.

If parents and their children are going to act irresponsibly, is there anything magical about the age of 21? Maybe the law doesn’t go far enough. Maybe it should be expanded so that 80-year-old parents can’t drink anything stronger than prune juice with their 60-year-old children! If they break this law, not only should they lose their license but a few layers of skin as well during a public flogging.

Isn’t one of the reason that our sons and daughters are fighting over in Afghanistan is to put an end to the draconian rule of the Taliban? It’s one thing for North Carolina government to legislate on issues of safety. But do we really need an American version of the Taliban in the privacy of our homes?

Oh by the way, it is now “unlawful to inhale fumes for the purpose of intoxication, or to manufacture, sell, give, deliver, possess or use an alcohol vaporizing device.” In other words, brandy sniffers are now contraband…

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