A Very Special Halloween Educational Treat
I started writing this post last year. Now that the political races are underway, I think that I better finish this in time for that wonderful night of the year; that magical time when you throw safety to the autumn winds and purposely send your children out to take candy from strangers. (For some harangued parents, they are just hoping to tempt fate with their angelic brats.) That’s right. I am suggesting that you take the Halloween experience and use it to teach your loving children a lesson on the toll that taxation will take on their lives. You’re probably thinking that this is a job for teachers. But don’t forget, there are many teachers who think that you’re not paying enough in taxes already. So it is up to you to prepare your offspring for the harsh realities of the working world.
When your little monsters (of course I’m referring to after they have taken their costume off) arrive home with their large bag of candy — take-home candy as it were — sit them down in the middle of the living room floor and pour out their loot in front of them. Give them a few minutes to salivate over their hard earned treasures. Just as they achieve maximum drool, let the lesson begin. Immediately take almost half of the candy from them. Tell them that this is what adults politely call income tax. Next, let them know that you care enough to want to watch out for them in their old age. Take away another large share of the candy as social security tax. Tell them that you will put it away for when they get too old to go trick-or-treating. In 50 years or so, they can get it back. After the thought of eating 50 year old candy sinks in, fess up to them and tell them that it’s actually for granddad. To get them to stop crying at this point, be sure to reassure them that they might have grandchildren someday who will also be taxed into this coercive charity. Finally, when you take out portions for Medicare and for state taxes, there should be only one candy bar left. If possible, make sure that it’s a Payday candy bar. As you start to hand it to them, pause and then unwrap the bar. Take a bite, say “sales tax” and hand it to them.
Of course, this little lesson may have repercussions when Halloween rolls around the next year. You may find your children sitting around the house on that festive night. When you ask if they are going treat-or-treating, they may reach their grubby little hands into the candy bowl, scoop out a large handful of treats and say, “Nope, I’m on the Halloween welfare.”
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