What’s All This Then!

Several weeks ago, one of my readers said that they enjoyed the content but the design was dull. I couldn’t agree with them more. This Sunday, I finally had a chance to spend a few hours with Paint Shop Pro and create a new header picture. What do you think? I have a couple of variation on this particular theme. For now, I’ll leave this one in place and see what comments you make.

I also had to time to figure out why Blogcatalog wasn’t showing up on my site. The culprit turned out to be Blogcatalog who changed their path for my script. My javascript widget used to have:

src=”http://www.blogcatalog.com/recent.php? [...more script stuff here]

So when ol’ BC added a subdirectory (a “/w”) into the path without telling me, their widget couldn’t work. The correct path is now:

src=”http://www.blogcatalog.com/w/recent.php? [...more script stuff here]

Finally, I was going to upgrade to WordPress 2.3 and then saw that WordPress has just released 2.3.1 a couple of days ago. 2.3.1 fixed 20+ bugs in 2.3. I think perhaps I’ll wait a few weeks to see how 2.3.1 fares.

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In an attempt to improving my writing skills, I’m reading “A Manual of Writer’s Tricks” by David Carroll. One recommended exercise is to write instructions on how to perform a task. It is amazing how easy it is to do something and yet incredibly difficult to explain to someone unfamiliar with the task all that they needed to do.

The book gives a few examples to get you started. So here’s my attempt:

“Explain to a Martian how a human washes their hands.”
This one is difficult. It assumes several things:
1- Martians have hands,
2- Martians need or want their hands washed.
3- Martians need or want their hands washed by humans.
For now, let’s just leave unsanitary Martians alone.

Next we have “Explain to a child how to frame a picture.”
Ah, this one is much easier. A simple to step process:
1) Have the child commit a crime.
2) Have the child find a picture to blame the crime on.

If the child has young siblings, there is really no explanation needed. He or she already knows these steps instinctively and has developed this process to an art form. All they have to do now is substitute a picture in place of their brother or sister. Some may even resort to a picture of their brother or sister.

Of course, there is a much easier way of explaining how to frame a picture to a child. As all experienced parents know, just forbid them to do it. The explaining part takes care of itself.

And so, there you have it. I hope that you will begin to see a marked improvement in my writing abilities soon. Once I accomplish this, I plan to learn how to read. That way I’ll know how well I’m writing.

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Psychologists of Lakehead University in Canada recently suggest that large women are happier than their skinner counterparts. According to the study, the thinner a woman is, the more prone she is to depression, anxiety, and negative moods. Of course, I do know that if you give women flowers, most of them tend to become happier … at least for the moment. So if a thin woman becomes happier when you give her flowers, what do you give a large woman who’s already jolly … flour or flours?

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Do you have a laptop that seems to be overheating as you use it? Specifically, are you using a Dell Inspiron 1100? I may have the solution to your problem.

You may have read an earlier post of how I was putting ice packs under my laptop to keep it cool enough so that I could work. This was a fine workaround at first. But the laptop began getting hotter quicker each time I used it. As of two days ago, I couldn’t get any work done at all.

Yesterday I took drastic measures and tore into my laptop. You can do the same by following these instructions here and here. Basically you will be taking the cooling module and the main computer chip out of your laptop. The idea is to replace the thermal grease that is between the chip and its heatsink. Unfortunately, the thermal paste on my chip had turned into superglue and I wasn’t able to separate the chip from its cooling unit. The good news is that I noticed some lint sticking out from the corner of one of the cooling fins. Since I was at work, I was able to use dry, compressed air to blow out all the lint and mess from the fan and cooling fins.

TA-DA! Here I am now, working on a very cool and very quiet running laptop. Before my little operation, my computer was running at 160°. Now it’s humming along at an efficient 120° and I’m not running into the slowdown problems that I was.

update – 20 Mar 2010 – after using this laptop for the past 8 years, it has finally reached that critical point. Do I pay $500 to replace the battery, hard drive and memory — all were contributing to temperature issues — or do I get a new laptop? So I bit the bullet and got an Acer Aspire 7736Z-4088. More adventures to continue….

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If you’ve received a Yahoo instant message seemingly from me with a link to Geocities, IGNORE IT! I did NOT send it! Somehow someone has been sending out a Yahoo IM bearing my Yahoo identity. Once I learned about this from friends, I changed my password and scanned my computers for evil doers (none were found). If you do get such an IM, please let me know.

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Have you ever been cleaning up and had a ‘blast from the past’ moment when you discover something personal and memorable? I was cleaning out directories on my work computer when I came across my first sketch that earned me money. It is a concept drawing for a backup parking aid system that we (rpc) were designing. The system has come along since its 1999 inception. So have I. Unfortunately, I haven’t draw anything in over three years. Taking art lessons is on my list of things to do. Some day perhaps …

A few more of my sketches are here. I haven’t updated that site in years. One more thing to add to my to-do list.

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Today, Monday, October 15th, is Blog Action Day. The idea is to have bloggers unite by writing about one important issue on people’s minds. This year’s issue is … wait for it … the environment! Surprise! Yes, I know that the environment is important. I remember thinking that while sitting in my classroom as thick white smoke belched from the paper mill that operated from across the street. But that was 35 years ago. Since then, air pollution levels there and across the county are half of what they used to be.

With the accuracy befitting the current environmental hysteria, I feel that it is my duty to point out important revelations; revelations that are backed by actual data! After reviewing charts on glacier shortening, arctic air temperature, solar activity activity and sea levels, I have come to this startling conclusion: not only has mankind (and womankind — you gals aren’t getting off that easily) caused catastrophic events through the use of cars and greedy shopping, but we started all of this simply by thinking about it a hundred years prior!

As proof, I submit to you this graph on glacier shortening.

As you can see, this phenomenon started in the early 1800s. If we hadn’t started thinking about our selfish plans to replace horses and steam engines, we might have plenty of glacier ice cubes today as we stroll waist deep in horse manure. Or we might have more shortening to fry our glaciers with. Take your pick.

Next, I submit this revealing chart to you. You may notice that, not only are we guilty for the increase in the Earth’s surface temperature, our mighty influence extends to the Sun itself.

Again, as with glacier shortening, the power of our innocent thoughts in 1800s were more deadly than we imagined. This is what happens when too many whimps complain that they are too cold.

Finally, I’ll leave you with this frightening chart. As you can see, sea levels have been increasing since the mid-1800s … again, before those nasty cars took over the planet.

One possibility is that too many people thought about how wonderful it would be to have the ocean closer to their home. My personal opinion is that we have harvested too many sponges from the ocean. In trying to get next to Godliness, cleanliness came at a price! I could be wrong. But I’m not! I have charts!

I hope that I didn’t alarm you too much, my gentle reader. However, it is apparent that we all possess a terrifying power called thought. And with it, we can change a world. Or, we can let someone do the thinking for us.

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I started writing this post last year. Now that the political races are underway, I think that I better finish this in time for that wonderful night of the year; that magical time when you throw safety to the autumn winds and purposely send your children out to take candy from strangers. (For some harangued parents, they are just hoping to tempt fate with their angelic brats.) That’s right. I am suggesting that you take the Halloween experience and use it to teach your loving children a lesson on the toll that taxation will take on their lives. You’re probably thinking that this is a job for teachers. But don’t forget, there are many teachers who think that you’re not paying enough in taxes already. So it is up to you to prepare your offspring for the harsh realities of the working world.

When your little monsters (of course I’m referring to after they have taken their costume off) arrive home with their large bag of candy — take-home candy as it were — sit them down in the middle of the living room floor and pour out their loot in front of them. Give them a few minutes to salivate over their hard earned treasures. Just as they achieve maximum drool, let the lesson begin. Immediately take almost half of the candy from them. Tell them that this is what adults politely call income tax. Next, let them know that you care enough to want to watch out for them in their old age. Take away another large share of the candy as social security tax. Tell them that you will put it away for when they get too old to go trick-or-treating. In 50 years or so, they can get it back. After the thought of eating 50 year old candy sinks in, fess up to them and tell them that it’s actually for granddad. To get them to stop crying at this point, be sure to reassure them that they might have grandchildren someday who will also be taxed into this coercive charity. Finally, when you take out portions for Medicare and for state taxes, there should be only one candy bar left. If possible, make sure that it’s a Payday candy bar. As you start to hand it to them, pause and then unwrap the bar. Take a bite, say “sales tax” and hand it to them.

Of course, this little lesson may have repercussions when Halloween rolls around the next year. You may find your children sitting around the house on that festive night. When you ask if they are going treat-or-treating, they may reach their grubby little hands into the candy bowl, scoop out a large handful of treats and say, “Nope, I’m on the Halloween welfare.”

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