What’s All This Then!

Maybe it’s the summer heat. Maybe it’s the neighbor’s four rottweilers who were recently confined within fifteen feet of my kitchen door. Maybe some unfortunate creature just died under my house. I don’t know. I do know that something has unleashed an army of flies into my house. Last Tuesday I came home to swarms beating themselves silly against the inside of windows in my kitchen and dining room. Since I keep my home relatively clean, these uninvited guests are a rarity — maybe a handful during a year’s time at the most. But not this time! It was like a scene out of a horror movie. (Hmm, maybe my ex is about to show up …)

Anyway, it was me verses those germ-ridden, up-chunking, annoying little critters. Just my luck, there wasn’t a fly swatter to be found. No problem. I grabbed the first available item — a bottle of Windex. Windex? Windex! “Attack!” I yelled and began squirting away. The first battalion of these puking insects was wiped out in a matter of minutes. A few hours later, a second wave appeared but they were no match for my deadly mist. And then a third wave began their assault, followed by a fourth and so on for the next couple of days. By the weekend, I rested. The battle was done. I had won!

I thought of digging tiny graves in my backyard complete with little crosses. Perhaps even a monument to the “Unknown Fly.” But I know what you are thinking, “How do I know that they are Christian flies?” Good point! Since they didn’t continually knock at the door and leaving pamphlets, they couldn’t have been Baptist, Jehovah Witness, or AME Zion. There weren’t any bicycles left behind, so they couldn’t have been Mormon. Perhaps they’re from a nature-type religion. After all, these little buggers were streaking around naked while buzzing their mini-mantra. Or maybe they were just a bunch of annoying, streaking pests — which explains why Windex worked so well. The label on the bottle says, “Helps Prevent Streaking” and it certainly did! (I know that whenever I get the urge to run around without my clothes on, a few swigs of Windex and the urge immediately passes.) Yes, I realize that there is a bit of a contradiction for those of us who wear pants. We all know that the first thing a streaker has to do is remove the fly.

In any case, I now have clean windows and a collection of streak-free flies. Life is good … unless the ex is coming to town.

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